ExxonMobil Agrees to Cease All Operations, Calls for International Boycott of Petroleum

Exxon HQ (TGW) – ExxonMobil Corp. announced today that it has fully realized the dangers of global warming and has agreed to cease all operations, CEO Rex Tillerson said today.

The company has also called for an international boycott of all fossil fuels.

“The facts can not be denied,” Tillerson said in a press conference. “After meeting with Al Gore yesterday, I have come to the conclusion the Earth is in fact warming because of humans.”

He declared all ExxonMobil operations would be shut down by August 1.

“This is just a small step,” Michael Boskin, an ExxonMobil board member, said. “150 years of greenhouse gas emissions cannot be overturned by something simple like this. That is why I have decided to create the nonprofit ExxonNewEnergy Group, which will invest in renewable energy and reforestation efforts.”

He said all Exxon profits from the last 3 years would be donated to the fund.

President Bush greeted the decision with glee. “I’m glad someone is finally doing something about this potential disaster,” he said.

Via :: Aprils Fools